


i dare you to leave me

by brightpink



Category: Smosh
Genre: Kind of angsty, M/M, but like sad, hidden love, mutual love, sad thoughts hours, smosh - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-29 18:43:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20440727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightpink/pseuds/brightpink
Summary: damien dears shayne to leave him, but shit that might have been a bad decision.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if you want a continuation.

"leave me! admit to yourself that i'm too much for you to handle," he shouts at the blond who's standing at the other side of the room. 

"you're not! this is not what i'm saying! listen to me, believe me for once!" the other man shouts back and runs his hands frantically through his hair.

"what are you trying to say then? say it, i'm listening!" 

"i want you to get help, because i want you to be better,"

"so you're saying you don't like me right now? is this the fucking point you're trying to make!" damien cries back at him in frustration. 

"you're not fucking listening! you're saying things you'd never say, this is why i want you to be better!"

"just say it out loud, you want to get me off of your back, cause this is hard. just say it, leave me!" 

"it is hard, you know it too. but i have never ever given up on you. stop with the bullshit!" shayne responds, wanting to just go hug damien, calm him down somehow, but nothing that he has said has worked, so maybe it is over.

"what bullshit? i'm just saying things you're too afraid to admit. you know it for fucks sake!"

"i don't like you like this, damien,"

"like what? leave me then, do it. admit it to yourself!"

"damien, there is nothing _i'm _too afraid to admit, it's rather that i'm speaking up on things you want to block out and not know. but deep down you're aware that this won't last forever like this. and yes, i'll give up on you one day too, if you keep pulling this shit.

"you finally fucking said it, nice to hear after your obvious shit, go now, walk out that fucking door and never come back. i dare you," damien shouts without thinking.

"you know what? scrap what i said earlier, i'm giving up on you, i'm walking out! i hope you're happy now, but know, the blood is on your hands. don't call me,"

shayne says as calmly as he can and walks out of the apartment. mad but mostly sad. this is _not _how things were supposed to go. this was supposed to be a calm conversation, and he truly doesn't know how things escalated to be _that bad. _

this time he's really not sure if he'll go back. at the end of the day, damien is right, this shit is hard, and eventually _it did _ reach shayne too. there's nothing he can do about that fact. but he'll think through his options once he has calmed down.

back at the apartment, damien breaks down crying, cause _this is not what he wanted, _either. but the worst of him got the best of him. now he's actually scared of what shayne said. doesn't matter if it was in a fit of anger, maybe that's what he really thinks. who knows? damien doesn't.

now he wonders if the rules they set on stone while they were not arguing still hold up. shayne _said _to not call him. so he shouldn't? the brunet is really trying to make the best of a bad situation. he's desperately trying to convince himself that that's not really what shayne meant, that it'll still be all okay.

but those small little snakes in his brain won't shut up, _like ever. _they keep telling him that shayne _wants _to get rid of him and that he left for real, won't come back. he can't live with those thoughts, all he wants is the one person who he can trust and who's always been there for him. because who is he supposed to talk to when he isn't here? who'll tell him that all of his worries are false? and that he's _still _valued and loved.

it's not like this is a manipulative-clingy situation. a rather i-bring-you-back-to-earth-and-you-do-the-same, it's both sided, the love is there. damien's sure that he could do that all alone, eventually. but it's so much easier to have someone, who'l help you. 

but he can't bring himself to pick up the phone, apologize, just say that he's sorry, that he's willing to talk it out. he can't. what if shayne really doesn't want to hear from him ever again? would he turn away damien's call? would it go to voicemail. _oh god._


	2. i dare you to answer to my texts and calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit, all damien wants is for shayne to pick up his call so they could apologize it out.

"please pick up, please pick up, please pick up," damien's whispering to himself while ringing shayne's phone. nothing. he doesn't pick up. _oh._ _shit. _he falls down on his bed, which still smells like one of the candles shayne burns. that does _not _make his situation better. it makes him miss the blond more.

on the other side of the phone, shayne sees the incoming call, and ignores it. that kind of hurts, he isn't used to acting like this. he really doesn't wanna act like this, but he also doesn't want to be caught in the middle of arguments and accusations that just aren't true. he wants the situation to calm down, he wants to give damien some time to reconsider his opinions and things he has said.

but damien want shayne with him right now, so he texts:

_shayne, please pick up_

_i'm sorry, please talk to me_

seen, a few minutes later. so he texts _again_ _in a desperate attempt:_

_shayne please._

but he does not respond nor see the message. _fuck dot com. _damien's tired, he's out of ideas, he doesn't want to do this, he wants to apologize and cry a lot and forget about this all. he wants everything to continue as normal. but it seems shayne doesn't.

the two of them had been arguing more than usual, lately. or just arguing, they never used to have fights, they'd talk it out. but it's obvious that lately the strings had been tight and pulling everywhere, on all feelings. now it's just screaming and crying and accusations and being in the wrong or right, it doesn't matter what it exactly is because it's unhealthy and bad. but they're both too used to this routine of having each other there and it just seems too scary to not have someone who you have dedicated your last 7 years to. just to let go of them? doesn't sound realistic.

there are just as many good sides as there are bad, so neither of them are sure if they want to continue with, _whatever this is._ besides being a mess, they also have an underlying romance there, which _of course _they have been ignoring, cause why talk about some thing when you can just not. when feelings got added into the mix, flirting did also, which means the both of them think the other is leading them on but also cannot stop cause somehow that comforts them.

it isn't damien being afraid that shayne will leave him in just a (non-existent) relationship context, but also as a friend. that he'll just walk away and damien won't hear from him ever again. which, of course, sounds unrealistic, because why should shayne ever do that? he has a good job, a network of friends here in LA and good opportunities. even if he pulled something like that, damien wouldn't be the only person concerned and trying to reach him. and that somehow makes him feel better. 

all damien wants is shayne here _right now_. so he texts him, again, hoping he'll answer this time:

_please come back_

_this isn't us_

_this doesn't feel right_

he presses send before he can change his mind. but he has so much more to say, so he continues:

_i'm tired of us arguing_

_this isn't on just one of us, this is on the both of us_

_and i miss you_

_i miss us_

_uh this sounds clingy and cringy, but i hope you get what i mean_

_my apartment feels empty without you_

_please let's talk this through i don't want you to actually leave and walk away_

_i'm so fucking sorry_

he sets his phone on his nightstand before he can write any more messages. it's late already, like really late. 2 am late. damien decides that sleeping sounds like his best option.

in an apartment that isn't damien's, shayne is feeling just as bad, if not worse. he feels bad for the things he said, that he stormed out, didn't stay and that he told damien that he's _giving up on him _and to _never call him again._ even though damien _did _call him, it's still not a good thing to say to someone who is as important to him as damien.it's a fuck up, to say the least.

he cannot believe himself. shayne hates himself for saying those things and just wants to run back to damien, confess everything that he has been thinking and feeling for the past 3 months. he wants to confront damien and ask him why he's leading shayne on, or if he even realizes he does that. but mostly, he wants to see the brunet happy and flourishing. that's why the argument even came to be. he wants him to be better, and change in a positive way. that's what they both need in order to move forward together and not crumble in front of each other.

it's tiring, this is not what either of them meant. 

though still, something keeps shayne from calling damien back or responding to his messages, he just needs time. to figure out how to say it all without causing another conflict between them. they've taken enough hits...from themselves. 

so shayne makes up his mind that he'll go to damien's place in the morning, he has the whole night to figure out what to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what will happen next? confessed feelings or even more arguments. see you tomorrow.


	3. i dare you to apologize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dare you to apologize

the early sun rays hit shayne's bed way too early, he still hasn't gone to sleep, neither has he any plans of doing so in light of recent events. but during the night hours he had crafted a, what he thought was a, perfect apology. well, not necessarily perfect, but you cannot make apologize perfect, or can you. what matters is that he gave his best. it's not a written out apology, meant to be sent by text. this is not how he wants to continue it. after all he's the one who stormed out of the apartment so respectively he should be the one storming back in. he won't be storming, but you get the point.

on the other side of the city damien wasn't sleep anymore. though, it's not the sun rays that woke him up, it's pure anxiety and fright of what's about to come next. he doesn't know which of them is supposed to make the first move. should he do it? or will shayne? and how should the apology even be done? meet at a neutral place? or not?

this is all so confusing, _this isn't like them._

even though it's like really early, shayne decides that now is the best time to head over to damien's place and just _make things right. _it's weird to drive this early, it's only about seven o' clock. there aren't many people out, well there are many, but not as many as you'd see during rush hour. which of course makes sense. shayne doesn't even know why he's having this analogy in his head. maybe it's the nerves getting to him.

the brunet decides to go through with his everyday get ready routine. (as cringy as that sounds) so he could have at least _some _stability in his life. but before he tries to get rid of anything and everything that reminds him of last night, cause that just _feels bad. _

he puts away the dirty dishes, cleans the coffee table in the living room, sighs heavily. and wants to cry again, cause it _all _comes flooding. all of the fucking fights, all of the meaningless arguments, all of the stupid accusations. oh _fucking _god.

suddenly he hears a knock, on his door. "it's shayne, isn't it," damien whispers to himself. he drags himself to the front door. he wants shayne to be here more than anyone else, but he also wants to sink through the door or fly to another country, change his name and never look back.

second knock. shit. he opens the door, it's shayne. 

"hi," shayne almost whispers so quietly that damien can't hear him.

"i have a lot to say," says damien with a lump in his throat.

"so do i."

damien lets shayne in and he takes a seat on his couch. "uh, do you want coffee or something?" damien asks him awkwardly. "yeah, coffee is fine."

so the brunet heads into the kitchen to make them both coffee, it's a good excuse to beat around the brush and for damien to calm himself down. but shayne follows him to the kitchen. damien's back is facing shayne and the blond is watching his every move, studying him, trying to figure out what he's feeling.

"damien, i'm so sorry. so fucking sorry," shayne starts, but before he can continue any further damien turns around and he's crying: "i'm so sorry too."

"oh, damien."

shayne steps forward and hugs damien as hard as he can. they stay like that, engulfed in each others arms.

none of them is sure how much time has passed, but it doesn't even matter, it's not late, they have nowhere to hurry to. 

once they break apart they still stay close to each other. too close for comfort, but that doesn't matetr right now, it's supposed to be heart to heart. shayne takes damien's face softly in his hands and speaks quiet but clear: "look at me, i love you." he let's go of his face, but continues: "i'm sorry for everything i said yesterday, i'm sorry for storming out and saying that i'll give up on you. i didn't mean it, i said it all in a fit of anger."

he sighs and takes damien's hands to hold: "but you need to trust me more and you need to believe me more. otherwise, we won't work out."

tears roll down the brunet's face and he wraps his arms around shayne's neck and rests his face on his shoulder. 

"i'm sorry, that i do this to us. please, just look at me while i confess, after that you can look anywhere you'd like, go anywhere, say anything, react anyhow," he sighs and moves further away from shayne, to lean against the kitchen counter. "you need to understand that whatever we have going on on the sidelines isn't helping one bit. because you keep saying we're friends, but then you look at me for a moment _too long _for that to be true. i think that's tearing us apart even more," he continues: "but i honestly don't know if you're leading me on, or if you even know that's what you're doing. cause, i don't know if you know this, i'm in love with you, and i don't know what to do about it. the only way i could actually react somehow is to know your answer. so i'm asking you."

"uh, i'm not leading you on cause i thought that _you _were leading me on, turns out," he takes a deep breath in," turns out that this is just a circle, huh." shayne walks closer to damien and rests his hands on either side of damien, against the kitchen counter. they're close again.

"i think, i think that every time i look at you, i fall a little more in love with you. and you don't see it, you keep talking down on yourself, and that just breaks my heart more than anything else. cause i want you to love yourself like i love you. you are more than you think of yourself, you're everyhting to me," shayne finishes off with another sigh, "it's really the smallest things, things that you don't even think about that make me swoon, so, you should love yourself."

"don't make me cry again," damien says as he breaks into a smile as he wraps his arms around shayne's waist. so this time around damien let's himself appreciate shayne the way he always wants to but is afraid will be too weird. he let's himself stare at shayne and imagine running his hands through the blond's hair. 

finally, after a while, damien whispers: "kiss me like you mean it."

and they do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, everything turned out alright. talk about your feelings more.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm damien. i'm afraid.


End file.
